i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
