Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
