there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
