can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
