shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
