I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
