it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
