Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
