I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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