in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
