Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
