Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
