Non-Jews are for practice
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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