Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
