Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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