White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
