why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
