I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
