whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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