i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
