But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
