she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
