I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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