so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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