You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We need a shit load of segways right now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
