I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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