When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
