Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
