I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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