I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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