Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
