OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
