hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
