Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
