We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
