the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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