I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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