I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
