he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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