so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
