is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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