this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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