I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
