Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is Oprah even human
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
