Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
