Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
