I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
