do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
