Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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