he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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