Your face is a jimmy john
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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