Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
