I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
