if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
