well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
