There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
