Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
