Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
