Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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