Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
