I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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