So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
