He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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