He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
